


Shinji Ikari is the safe word

by bannanachan



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Dom/sub, F/M, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:50:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bannanachan/pseuds/bannanachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If someone had told you, when you were 13, that you would eventually rely on an alien girl with a tentacle dick and a snake tongue hard-dominating you from the top to get off properly, you would have laughed very uncomfortably and then walked away very quickly.</p>
<p>Well, adulthood has its perks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shinji Ikari is the safe word

“I’m home!”

Her voice is the most grating thing you’ve ever heard in your life. Seriously, you have heard people die, you have heard worlds end, you have heard eldritch terrors in the night and noises that would send most people barreling over the edge of insanity like Niagra fucking falls and you have never heard anything that grates on your nerves like your girlfriend’s voice.

God, it’s a good sound.

You take the headphone off your left ear and you turn around in the general direction of the door. She marches through the door like she’s a conquering hero. She marches through the door like she’s a Hollywood superstar. She marches through the door like absolutely nobody in the place she’s walking into could possibly have anything more pressing to attend to than her presence. So, obviously, you keep the right headphone on.

You can hear her move around in the kitchen a bit before she peeks her head around the door to your bedroom. “I said I’m home, jerk.”

You turn back to your computer smooth as fucking melted chocolate, although you keep your left ear open. “Babe, I think the entire block heard you say that you’re home.” You comment.

“Oh please, Dave. You exaggerate. It was probably closer to most of the block.” She says.

You snort (embarrassing, yes, but you’ve given up on not being embarrassed around her) and lounge back in your computer chair.

“Speaking of people on the block.” She says. “It seems like Dirk isn’t one of them.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Went out to… actually, not sure where the dude went. To hang out with Jake, I think?”

“You think?”

You shrug. “I was listening to my beats, man.”

You are turned around so you can’t see it, but you are pretty sure she rolls her eyes. You are just about ready to give in and start paying her your full attention when she yanks your headphones off your head – by the fucking cord – before you can make the decision on your own. About five seconds later, there’s a troll girl sitting on you straddling your lap, and you suddenly are remembering why Terezi gets to walk through the door like she’s the most important thing on the planet.

“He’s going to see Jake, right? ‘Cuz he’ll probably be at that for a while.”

You swallow. She licks her lips.

You fail miserably to keep your cool.

“P-proba–”

Before you can finish your word, let alone your sentence, you have a tongue down your throat. You cannot fathom how you ever thought you could be satisfied in a relationship with a human when Terezi puts her tongue down your throat. It’s long and thin and bumpy and it slithers like a fucking snake all over every inch of your molars and gums, so far back that it used to be you couldn’t take it without gagging.

Dating Terezi has kinda destroyed your gag instinct.

You reach over to palm your dick through your pants and before you can make even a little contact she takes your hand and pins it to the computer chair.

She retracts her long tongue from your mouth and smiles.

“Comfortable, coolkid?”

You are panting already. You are kind of gasping. You are the most pathetic son-of-a-bitch, she loves it, and you are long past the point of pretending that you don’t too.

She gets off your legs and folds her arms. “Get on the bed.”

You fall over your own goddamn feet in your rush to obey and lay there on your back. She mounts you like you’re a taxidermied moose head and sticks her tongue down your throat again. You can feel your dick straining against your jeans and her whatever straining on hers, and they can’t really touch like this but that just makes it better. You try to buck your hips and prolong the contact, but of course, she doesn’t let you. You let out this pathetic little moan and she just laughs. You respond by grabbing one of her boobs, and she sort of gasps, tossing her head and her torso back.

She lets you do that for about a minute before she sits up straight again and moves her fingers, nimble as shit, to the fly of your jeans. You do the same to hers. In no time at all you are both pantsless and it is really, really great.

She pulls rope out of her sylladex and you groan. She doesn’t even have to ask for you to flip over onto your hands and knees, and she begins tying your hands to the bed posts.

If someone had told you, when you were 13, that you would eventually rely on an alien girl with a tentacle dick and a snake tongue hard-dominating you from the top to get off properly, you would have laughed very uncomfortably and then walked away very quickly.

Well, adulthood has its perks.

She finishes the knots and you flex your hands. Good and tight, but not chafing. Of course. She’s practiced.

With one hand, she reaches between your legs and under your underwear and grabs your dick, stroking it. You groan, desperate for the contact and incredibly satisfied to finally get it. In the meantime, she slips her panties off with the other hand (you can’t see, but you can tell) and – bless her – pulls your absolute favorite lube out of her sylladex. She rubs it on her bulge and you can see it coiling and uncoiling out of the corner of your eye, you can hear her moaning a little as it does. It’s so fucking colorful – it’s turquoise like the Caribbean ocean, it’s got a line of suction cups, it’s the furthest thing from human and you love it like it was your child. Oh my god, you love Terezi’s not-dick.

She leans in to whisper in your ear and works your boxers down off your ass with both hands. “Do you want me?”

You groan. “Fuck. Yes. Terezi – ah!”

She slides the tip of her bulge into your ass careful and slow. You can feel its tip curling up inside you as she gets deeper, and every single suction cup rubs and tugs and suctions and it’s incredible. You are just about to scream when you hear a pop and then her hands are on either side of your head and she’s placing a ball gag in your mouth, clicking the strap shut behind your neck. She laughs like a maniac and you bite down and moan, enjoying it way too much. The soft plastic tastes pretty much awful, but you literally could not give less of a shit.

“Tap twice with your left foot if you wanna stop, like usual, right?” She says. “Or I guess you could just time-travel out somehow, but let’s not ruin the moment.”

She thrusts into you and her bulge turns a little, and you scream into the gag, starting to tear up. She’s careful with the pressure and she uses a lot of lube but it still hurts a little bit. You whimper and she coos, stroking your arm gently, moving more slowly. You relax and let yourself be overwhelmed, and you groan. Fuck, this is amazing. You are perfectly overwhelmed, turned on but not freaked out, she is doing everything so right. You have good sex, but her treating you like this is a special fucking treat.

She rests her hips and kneels there, her bulge still inside you, moving around ever so slightly. It is the most wonderful torture.

“Oh, Dave.” She mutters. Her voice has reached this high keening pitch that you recognize and it sounds so good. “Dave. You’re such a bad boy, Dave, letting me do this to you. Getting off on it. Wanting more. Don’t you want more?”

You moan and she cackles, and moves her hips again, pushing in and filling up every part of you. Pressure is building inside you, and you close your eyes, letting it wash over you like a wave, feeling higher and higher and higher. You can hear her moaning too, and you feel her move her hand around under your ass, fingering herself. Her voice gets higher and her moans get shorter and just hearing her is enough to push you over the edge. Your hands grip tight to the bedposts and you shake, crying into the gag, and for a second the whole world just comes apart for her. She starts to scream herself -

And out of the corner of your eye, you see a long orange nose poking through the bottom of your door.

You try to speak through the gag. “Ehruhee-!”

She pulls backwards as her scream reaches its height. Her bulge coils up rapidly inside you and you can feel weird alien come leaking out your ass and just as she seems to relax the door bursts wide open and there in all his glory is your brother in a Rei Ayanami cosplay clapping his hands together mechanically with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Congratulations!”

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been a running joke between friends and I for a while. So, when [Zivlok](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivlok) and I realized I'd never written xeno, I decided to just write the thing.
> 
> Thanks to him, [otomatonom](http://otomatonom.tumblr.com), and [blooper-boy](http://blooper-boy.tumblr.com/) for betaing. Special thanks to him and otomatonom: him for explaining how penises work since I'm very lesbian and fic isn't too reliable, and her for several extensive notes on her thoughts about tentabulges and anal sex.
> 
> This is, incidentally, set in the universe of [my ladystuck blind fic.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/813270)


End file.
